


The Grain in Spain Has Withered in the Rain

by misura



Category: Exiles Saga and Galactic Milieu - Julian May
Genre: Multi, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 03:04:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19053958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Fian lives. Kuhal loves. Cloud is too sensible to get involved with either of them.





	The Grain in Spain Has Withered in the Rain

"So you're Kuhal's human," Fian said, his tone making it clear she was supposed to hear the last word as a derogatory term, a word proclaiming her inferiority. She heard him think: MyKuhalMINE! Ithought & Ifeared but heLIVES KuhalLIVES & now theres you who are you you are NOTHING and NOBODY and Kuhal could never LOVE you as he LOVES me NEVER NEVER NEVER.

All very immature and dramatic, really, Cloud thought. She could see where Kuhal had gotten it.

"I have no interest in your brother," she said. I am calm, she thought to herself. I need not prove my superiority to you, therefore your words nor your opinion hold the power to hurt me.

She considered explaining again, as she had to Kuhal, about the healing of minds and the relationship, the closeness that might develop between healer and patient. Meaningless, of course. Natural, perhaps. Excusable, up to a point. Understandable. Not that that made it any less annoying.

Fian stared down at her. He'd have to make an effort not to, given the difference in their heights. It was clear he had no intention of doing so, however.

"Then you are a fool." His mind demanded: Who are you you turn up your nose at KuhalmyKuhal?

Cloud managed not to roll her eyes. It helped that she had spent a lot of time around the youngsters of Ocala - not so much younger than her in years, true, but in terms of maturity and emotional development ... well. Even Elaby hadn't been a complete exception. He'd been better than most, and available, and sweet, and interested, and they'd been good friends, so Cloud had thought why not?

It had made sense. She'd been pleased, to take such a rational, reasonable approach to love.

She hadn't expected the grief, the pain of Elaby's loss. The temptation of replacing him, and so soon, too, with Kuhal, who was none of the things Elaby had been.

"You should be glad," she said. "You want Kuhal all to yourself, that's fine with me." She thought: Idontlove HIM howcouldI LOVE him. Just a healer's bond with a patient close to a full recovery, that was all. Like the grief and the pain (but not the loss, never the loss) it would pass.

Fian snarled. Dontneed YOUR permission! youbitchwhoreslut HUMAN! (how could he love you how could he?)

NOTlove! Cloud thought. NeverLOVE. Not for me, never again. Mind to mind, she might have lowered her mental barriers a fraction, allowing him to see the truth of her feelings. Kuhal's feelings were outside of her influence - not that she expected Fian to acknowledge that truth.

He was Kuhal's other half, in a sense not quite literal, but almost. Kuhal's body and mind had been healed, after the Flood, but the scars were still there. Some of the healing would have seeped through to Fian, Cloud thought. Not all of it.

The healer in her might almost bring herself to be fascinated by the situation.

Fian snarled at her again, then turned and stalked away.

Hagen thought: Next time, maybe the two of you should get a room. His mind voice sounded amused, lazy, as if this was all a joke, a romantic comedy of some kind.

Hey, we already got the identical twins so stage all set for shenanigans & mistaken identities & cmon Cloudie dont you think its alittlefunny at least?

No, she thought at him, strengthening her screens, hiding the thought, the fear that maybe Fian wasn't wrong, that maybe Kuhal wasn't going to get over his irrational feelings for her. That maybe he was.

Ha! Hagen said. Boring as always, sis.

And if we were getting a room it would be three of us not two (dontyouknow ANYTHING stupid).

Ha! Hagen said again, but he sounded a bit taken aback. Like you really would. Prude!

Prudent, Cloud corrected. She had been, hadn't she? With Elaby - and look where that had gotten her, what good it had done her not to be like Papa. (We kill & hurt the ones we love, us Remillards, she thought to herself. Family curse. Poor Kuhal doesnt have any idea how lucky he is to get away clean.)

(Will he?)

Hey! Hagen said. Nothing wrong with a bit of fun! As long as you don't lose your head. [lurid mental image]

Ew!

Yeah, Hagen said. Barbaric, isn't it? Though I guess if you're into that sort of thing ...

Cloud thought: If you don't have anything actually important to talk to me about, why don't you butt out and buzz off and leave me alone. I'm busy.

Doing what? Or should that be: doing who?

(He and Fian should get together. They'd have so much in common, Cloud thought. Idiots! Boys!)

Hagen slipped away, back to whatever he'd been doing himself.

Cloud sighed and realized to her dismay that she had managed to get herself lost.

 

Kuhal was waiting for her when she had found her way back to the rooms that were hers, for the duration of her (soon to end!) stay. Fian was with him, looking sullen and resigned and like he'd just lost an argument that at some point had gotten somewhat physical.

"Cloud!" Kuhal's eyes lit.

(They had lit in that exact same way when they had made love, finding pleasure and comfort and healing in one another, but that was over now. She didn't love him, and that was all there was to it.)

"Go away," Cloud said. She felt weary, old, and aware of the irony of the second.

"If that's what you want, that's what I - _we_ will do," Kuhal said. "Of course."

Fian glowered, but he would not meet Cloud's gaze when she directed it at him, his surface thoughts chaotic, murky with resentment and something else, something he had barely begun to accept.

No, Cloud thought. Oh no. Not two of them. I don't deserve this. (But Elaby hadn't deserved to die, had he? And Hagen, poor Hagen, annoying Hagen - it was just that Papa got so angry sometimes.)

Fian thought: It was always theTWOofus why does that need to change why does SHE need to become part of US we are fine we have always been fine but ... Kuhal wants HER loves HER so I must too because HE does and that means so do I ... doesn't it?

Kuhal thought: Cloud dearCloud let US love you & comfort you & pleasure you & honor YOU & if you want to leave I/we must resign myself/ourselves (never!) but at least give me/us a chance! please!

Cloud sighed. "I guess the two of you might as well come inside."

She thought: I must be mad (but maybe that's better than staying sane, with all the pain and grief)

 

They were more skilled, more experienced at pleasing each other than they were at pleasing her - but at least they weren't only skilled at pleasing _themselves_. That was something, Cloud thought.

Plus, as a few discreet mental nudges here and there had proven, they were willing to learn. That was something, too. And it wasn't as if she minded continuously being at the center of this ... whatever this was, between the three of them, if it even was anything.

Fian clearly preferred giving pleasure to Kuhal over giving pleasure to Cloud or even touching her, putting himself in a position submissive to her but Kuhal seemed to have tied his own pleasure to Cloud's somehow, making it so that to please Kuhal, Fian had also to please Cloud, and that was wrong (Cloud thought, distantly, dreamily, floating above it all, like the prude Hagen had called her: stare down on this human woman and her two alien lovers, are they not absurd in their animal rutting?) even if it felt pretty good, to be held and wanted and loved.

You don't love me, she thought. You'll wake up tomorrow morning and realize that this was a mistake.

It's not tomorrow morning yet, ClouddearCloud, they thought. (And we will still love you then! We will prove it to you! ... If you think you can handle it, of course, handle the two of us.)

She laughed and they smiled, and for a while longer, the world was a place of bright joy and wonder.


End file.
